Like attracts like. The Law of Attraction states this as true. If you’re emitting a low vibrational frequency, you will attract a mate with similar insecurities because these feelings are your underlying point of attraction. Flip it around to higher vibrational pulses, and you will find these qualities reflected back at you.
It’s an energy thing.
This is why it is so important to do your inner-work. No one can do it for you. As we move through life, we’re either going to realize the path toward inner freedom and enlightenment, or we’re not.
We’re either going to realize the gift of a heart, get brave and be willing to reach for more in the realm of love, or we’ll settle for something mildly satisfying for the sake of [fill in the blank here].
Humans are wired differently and socialized differently. I get that. It takes dedication, patience, and a whole lot of love to reach a mutually fulfilling relationship. When we are ready for something truly wonderful to come into our lives, all that dribble-nonsense and dissonance left over from past relationships must give way to insightful revelations.
In other words, if we’re unable to learn from the past and adjust accordingly, then the chances of breaking new ground and opening the door for more satisfying and authentic connections are minimal.
Breaking these patterns can be tough.
There was a long period in my life when I attracted domineering and abusive partners. It began with my first boyfriend and continued with my first husband. It was when the marriage ended that I vowed to never allow a man to treat me so badly again.
And you know what happened?
The next man that came into my life was exactly like the others — Controlling. Selfish. Dominating. Tyrannical. A man who thought it was his God-given right to sweep into a woman’s home, claim his throne and reign supreme over her and her children.
A man who assumed I would fall into line because I was a woman.
He displayed much of the typical characteristics of an abuser. The same attributes that I knew well. Things like:
Excessive jealousy Extreme possessiveness Suspicion and paranoia Unjustified accusations Forced me to have sex when I didn’t want to Spiteful and often vicious behavior Berated and belittled my way of doing things; my viewpoints and sense of self Desire to isolate me from my family and friends
I could go on.
I couldn’t believe it. I remember wondering what was wrong with me to have attracted the same kind of man in my life. I wasn’t any of those characteristics mentioned above. I wasn’t an asshole. I wasn’t mean or selfish. I’m still not any of those things.
So, why then, did the same kind of man and experiences keep showing up in my life?
Low self-esteem and feelings of self-worthlessness reveal themselves in a variety of ways for different people. For some, the need to dominate and control is the means toward a false sense of empowerment. For others, it is the buried feelings of inadequacy that uphold mistreatment in our lives.
It may not even be a conscious thought. Just a lingering bend deep in your psyche confirming that you deserve to be nullified by another human being; that you are not worth any more than what you’re getting.
Those are the same feelings that abusive people play on. They know that by breaking you beyond repair will grant them more power to manipulate and control the relationship.
No more of that. Please, no more.
That’s what I was whispering to the stars when pleading with the universe after kicking that guy to the curb. I knew that I would never allow another “bully” into my life again. What I didn’t know was, how to actually avoid the same type of man.
So, I avoided men altogether and turned my focus inward. That’s doing the work. That’s deliberately taking the time to discover who you are and what you want while nurturing your sense of self-worth.
The thought of meeting someone else terrified me. I knew about the law of attraction, and I had worked hard at raising my vibration and strengthening my intuitive senses. Still, what if I attracted the same kind of man? What then?
Months and months later, I bought a pink pillar candle. I took a notepad and penned a list of all the qualities I thought was important in a lifelong partner at that time. It wasn’t overly complicated. It wasn’t unrealistic.
Kindness Empathetic Compassionate Patient Tolerant Open-minded Respectful
Things like that.
A friend’s Italian mother had given me some kind of native “love prayer” that was to be performed on a particular date and time. I was to call on Archangel Michelangelo — the angel of love and burn the candle over my list until it burned out entirely.
The morning arrived like any other morning. I did my normal thing and dropped my children off to school. After which, I would come home to await the ritual hour.
So, I began cleaning the house to fill in the time.
When I got to one of the kid’s rooms, I saw him — Archangel Michelangelo. He stood still and beautiful in all of his 3-inch glory on my son’s dresser, and I had never seen him in my home before that moment.
The moments stalled and everything faded after that. I picked him up and held him to my heart, and I couldn’t help but cry as disbelief and utter amazement rippled through me.
Strange how things like that happen.
Of course, little Michelangelo took part in the love ritual I was to perform that day. He had a front-row-seat and watched as I lit the candle and said the words out loud. The atmosphere was surreal; the room filled with an unearthly and loving energy that remained for the longest time thereafter.
When the candle burned out, I was to wrap the melted wax along with my list in a white cloth and keep it somewhere safe. I stuffed it under my pillow and that’s where it stayed until a few months later when my husband entered my life.
He was everything I had wanted.
I’m not sure if it was the love ritual or the inner-work I had done — perhaps it was a combination of both of these things. Intention and focus are a powerful affliction to adopt when we wish to evoke change.
Whatever it was, it was enough to raise my vibration and frequency to attract a partner who would always treat me respectfully.
As it turned out, my son had brought Archangel Michelangelo home the day before after visiting his father. That little guy became mine after that; he knows secrets only we two know …
Previously published on Medium.com.
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